Saturday, August 28th, 2021
What Lies Beneath
Many of us get glimpses of our own short-comings from time-to-time. When it happens, I think we immediately distract ourselves from the reality of our inadequacy. We don't want to dwell on it.
And why would we!? It doesn't seem beneficial to frequently criticize oneself, and others may start thinking we're just “looking for sympathy,” or “fishing for complements.”
And yet at the core of Christian belief, we have a requirement to admit we are sinners, saved only by God's grace and mercy. Somehow we must acknowledge our inner deceit and faithlessness, at the same time as we recognize our heritage as children of the King of heaven! I think this is harder than it seems.
It's not enough to make a general confession of sin. If we are to recognize our genuine need for grace, then we must fully realize our falseness. The deceit of my heart may be vastly different from yours! If you are as cunning as I am, you have probably erected many sophisticated methods to avoid pain. You may have constructed ways to attempt meeting your heart's hunger, while masking it as a selfless act.
Jeremiah 17:9 says, “The heart is more deceitful than all else / And is desperately sick; / Who can understand it?”
Alas, the answer is clear: only God can understand and see through our true motivations. Without inviting him in to clean house; without asking him to see if there is any wicked way in me, I am likely doomed to repeat my folly forever.
You might think, at the outset, that this honest appraisal takes courage -- but you would be wrong. It takes faith. Courage, by definition and word-origin, comes from the self, the heart. Faith is given us by God, and faith leads us to trust in His goodness. You see, we won't be destroyed by this vulnerable honesty, because only God can destroy, and he chooses not to.
In Psalm 38, David owns his sin in a profoundly personal and intimate confession. He's been blest with a unimpeded view of his wicked and godless heart. Rather than hide this pain from himself and attempt to conceal it from God, he groans before the Father, imploring forgiveness and healing.
Is your heart trying to convince you that you're not so bad? I invite you to ask for eyes to perceive, like David, into the foul and festering reality of your soul.
Can you do so, in faith? So be it.